At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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