No awkward lesbian experiences without me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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