Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
