i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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