why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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