I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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