I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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