even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
