i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
