His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
