Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
