as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm like, not good at living.
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