Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I AM VODKA MAN
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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