How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
