Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
