You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
