Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
