No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
