My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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