Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
