Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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