Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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