I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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