What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
