i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
