Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
