im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
