i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
