it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
