Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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