I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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