I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
