Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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