Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
