Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
birth control should be required to get into college
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
