I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
