you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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