Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
