I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
