Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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