how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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