Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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