Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
