oh god the rape fog is back!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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