just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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