So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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