Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
