Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
