We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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