So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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