We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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