i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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