I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
