My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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