Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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