You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
